I don't want to die

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 01:02:55 GMT

I honestly don't know what to write anymore. I'm just so exhausted and run down from work...I just want to do nothing. Nothing exciting has happend lately except actually managing to go out with a friend for once. Sunday, we are going to be going to see a cat we are probably going to adopt. So, this will be the third.We aren't sure how she will react to their being 2 boy cats in the house so, i guess we will just have to see how it goes. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work.

Right now i have a spoiled ltitle birdy on my shoulder who wants attention. He's trying to eat my glasses and my ear. He's cute. I'm still taking name suggestions. I have no idea what to call him. My sister named him flurry but it turns out it was after some hockey player. Well. I hate sports and it's not going to be named after no fucking hockey player.

i'm also waiting for it to get dark because i wanna set off some fireworks. Nothing like celebrating america by blowing shit up. XD

I'm so excited! I order DIM and I can't wait for it to come out. I also orderd a cute little charm from a friend of mine that she made ^^ I'm so excited! They are so cute! It's a little cupcake with sparkles! If you wanna look at the charms she makes by hand, please check them out here ^^ She has some pretty cute stuff!

Hm..

Sat, 06 Jun 2009 06:13:10 GMT

I guess i'll give this shot...Never actually wrote out anything excpet little things....searching for stuff like music. But I kinda need to vent...Things have been kinda shitty since dad was laid off...He wont get off my back about things and mom and dad bother wonder why i'm so tense and jumpy and jump on them about stupid stuff. I'm sorry mom but I just don't want him interfering with my hobby. It was mine to start with and I want it to stay that way.

To anyone who may read this, My hobby is that i keep and breed fish. I work in a pet store that mainly specializes in fish so, it's kinda become part of my life now...watching them is calming to me and breeding them is a neat new experience...watching a life being born and helping it grow into a strong healthy fish for someone who would like to buy them in the future when i sell them back tot he store.

Though working there is barely enough to keep me going...I atleast make enough to pay my phone bill and I finally paid my computer off a few months ago. Now i'm trying to save up for a car which isn't going well. I'm going to have to take a loan out of my life insurance in order to get something decent that will run. Atleast the offer from my aunt still holds...she said she'd pay the first 6 months of my car insurance so i can build up enough money to maintain it on my own.

I need a second job but it's so hard to find anything part-time that will pay decently. I'd love to move out of the house and get on my own but...i have to much here at the house...all my fish. Me and Dad did build a shelf thing to hold my breeding tanks.

Things have been a little on the up side though...I finally got my Baby Cockatiel. A woman at work breeds them and i always wanted one of hers. We used to have 2 when i was younger and i kinda miss having them around. So I wanted to try my hand at keeping them again. This little baby, i grew attached to the night i spent at her house. He was having trouble breathing because he had gotten a little food in his lungs. I laid on the couch all night, listening to him wheezing. It broke my heart and I knew i had to have him. He looks just like the female we used to have. Well...I don't know if it's a boy or girl or not but calling it a boy is just coming natural. I still don't have a name for it and i've had it since monday. He's a sweet little bird although a brat. Trying to fly around everywhere and not wanting to sleep when it's bed time. Name suggestions would be great. I love him to pieces though. The wheezing did stop actually. About a week after it started. He's all better now. He's so silly, he has trouble getting around the cage, trying to figure out how to get from perch to perch. He's terrified of his swing so I took that out. He's an adorably spoiled little baby.

So, i've been trying to figure things out...between me and an old friend. I've dated him twice but he's broken up with me twice in fear that I would end up finding someone better and leaving him. God he's an idiot. Other than breaking up with me...He's a really sweet guy...He always says nice things about me, calls me sweetheart and such. But then there is this jerk from work who always tries to treat me nice and such but he always blows me off. He actually only took me out once. And he texts me at night about stupid shit. I think he just wants in my pants and that isn't happening. I just don't know what to do...Should I give the first guy one more chance? Who knows...I know the other one isn't getting any chances at anything.

Wow it's actually kinda nice to be able to just write everything out...I never knew i could type this much. I'm probably keeping the birdy awake. Mh...I guess I will just leave it at this for now...I should be sleeping...i have to get up for work and then i get to work all fucking day. Atleast the first hour and a half it get paid to sit at a seminar. I was supposed to hang out with the one boy tomorrow but I feel bad i had to cancel it. But I can't turn down hours at work...I need to be able to pay my stupid phone bill. Stupid 72$ phone bill for a 50$ phone...

Mon, 30 Mar 2009 00:55:29 GMT

I would still like some rp buddies T_T

Meh

Sun, 29 Mar 2009 04:21:39 GMT

I need a new rp buddy T~T My friend is a total bitch now and now i'm stuck with nothing to do in my spare time. Sadly, i mainly RP GazettE...sometimes Alice nine and SCREW.... *sigh*

Help~

Tue, 22 Jan 2008 06:20:47 GMT

Tomorrow i'm going to be doing a complete system restore on my computer because my computer is fucking retarded >< and was wondering if someone could give me the following downloadable discographys since i'm going to lose all my music for itunes: The GazettE, Alice Nine, SCREW, Dir En Grey and Koda Kumi. Or atleast some way to download the songs without having to search for each and every one of them ._.

Sun, 02 Dec 2007 01:43:10 GMT

Wow it's been a while since i've posted on here. oo; and i haven't comment on a lot of things as much. Though it is fun to randomly sneak up on Iris when she is least expecting it xD. Anyway....um....OH! We adopted a new kitten and brought him home yesterday! He's so cute! His name is Zaruba but i think Zuzu is starting to sound better. I ended up having to sleep in my mom's room last night because he started crying. He's seemed to have taken to me. He's even fallen asleep in my lap. I had curled up on the recliner and was woken up about an hour later by him walking on my face. I'm glad he's only 4 pounds. I even got a new fishie called a dwarf puffer and named him Kyo x3 cause he's small and aggressive. other than my pets...um...hopefully i should be getting into a vet school. I have to pass an online test first. I have to wait for the guy to send it again though >< I just barely made it. I was really close to passing it. ick x_X Oh well. I think that's enough. Maybe i'll start posting more from now on.

Wed, 03 Oct 2007 12:25:19 GMT

Other than my random asking for songs and such, I really haven't posted anything for a while. I am indeed still alive though! I'm just wishing someone would just shoot my fucking knee out though =-= It hurts so fucking bad. I'm starting to think I have arthritis in it. -sighs- Other than my bodily pains, I've been a flailing fangirl over Alice Nine and Screw more than normal with all these new releases by them. *___* AND I KEEP HEARING ABOUT ALL THIS HOTNESS FROM RUKI DURING PWTB BUT THERE ARE NO PHOTOS OR VIDEOS YET -dies- And during the Neo visual kei, Did anyone notice the way Aoi stormed off the stage at the end of Filth in the Beauty? o_o; During that entire show he didn't look happy at all...-pout- Maybe he was just having a bad day? I hope he didn't become angry again like he did before...BE HAPPY AOI!

ugh...it's so early...I've been awake since 7 EST =-= I didn't have to get up until 8:30 but my brain is like..NO WAKE UP NOW! I have to go take some kind of test to see what kind of job I can go for x_x fun fun. Hopefully I will get a call back to schedule an interview from the only place that has called me back xx; So fucking tired ...Maybe i'll take a nap when I get home. Hopefully the testing wont take to long.

OH! Guess what! Now off the topic of my sad life and sexy jrockers, I have successfully mated Bettas! ( Siamese fighting fish ) I'm so happy ^_^ Though there aren't as many babies that i started with but as long as I get some, I'll be happy -nodnod- They are so cute and tiny!

Tue, 02 Oct 2007 23:24:00 GMT

Does Anyone have the mp3 of Tsubasa or Screw's new song Vegas? o_o

oo;

Wed, 12 Sep 2007 19:35:42 GMT

I was wondering if anyone had the D songs Calling me and Fanfare? They are for a friend and i can't find them for the life of me...

OH MY ^#%@&#$ KAI

Sun, 12 Aug 2007 13:00:40 GMT

OH MY FUCKING GOD! FANGIRL SQUEALING TIME! I WAS LOOKING UP THE BANDS THAT THE MEMBERS OF GAZETTE USED TO BE IN AND I FOUND THE OHP OF THE BAND KAI WAS IN AND OH MY GOD. HE'S THE PRETTY ONE WITH RED HAIR

Also, if i manage to find the others, they will all get their own separate post

REITA TOUCHES RUKIS BUTT

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 21:24:17 GMT

HOLY SHIT! A COMMENT WHERE IT ISN'T RUKI GRABBING REITA'S NUTS BUT REITA TOUCHES RUKI'S ASS AT 0:50 WATCH IN BETWEEN THEM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wl2NS60aROk

Wed, 01 Aug 2007 15:14:11 GMT

eep x_x; I'm going to be a pain in the ass and ask for a few more Alice nine songs. Sutorei Cat and The Last Empire. Limewire is still being a dick =_=; sendspace works wonders for sending it! Sankyuu!

Sat, 28 Jul 2007 20:56:15 GMT

ugh x_x Does anyone have the White Prayer mp3 via sendspace or whatever site you use x_x limewire isn't being nice and giving me the song ;~;

OO

Sun, 15 Jul 2007 06:06:21 GMT

I just noticed that during Defective Tragedy in the Decomp Beauty tour, If you watch close before Ruki tries to like eat his arm or something. He spits on it >_>; it looks like the reflection of a chain but it's not. It's like, right after they show Aoi's guitar

x_x

Tue, 10 Jul 2007 13:15:32 GMT

I was organizing my GazettE pictures this morning and was looking among my Kai ones and wow....I found a serious Kai bulge....I'm afraid of what he keeps in there xx; It might be another magnum

Sat, 07 Jul 2007 16:59:20 GMT

Well....I figured since i have this here i might as well start using it and I'm a little hyper that my hands are shaking and it's kinda hard to type cause i keep making all kinds of fucking mistakes x_x; . I think I now have a new found love for Slut!Pon and Whore!Saga. It's so hard to find Alice Nine fics though ;~; And I can't find and ReitaxRuki fics anywhere! Well I can but if you know me, I'm looking for NC-17 and up >_>; I like the fluffy stuff but every once in a while you need some really good smut x_x; One of these days I'm going to try and write down all my favorite pairings...hm...That's gonna be hard. There's a lot of them....And if anyone notices me using an icon and you created it...let me know because i have a bad habit of saving icons to my computer and so i forget who makes them xx; And I will put your credit in for it. And i'm waiting for my Stacked Rubbish cd still! I can't wait to get it! I hope it comes soon!

Did Kai make the cake for the BA pv?

Sat, 07 Jul 2007 03:36:06 GMT

Is it me or doesn't the cake presented to the boy in Burial Applicant look similar to the one Kai gave Aoi on his birthday?

Sat, 12 May 2007 20:48:00 GMT

( Takes place at the end of Taion during the NLSG show within the blackout because it seemed like that only place it would fit o_o; )

The song came to an end with a single guitar solo and a scream filled with such pain that it could tear your heart in two. Yet no one knew that behind that stage scream, it was aided by true physical pain. The fire around the band was the only source of light for those last few seconds as Ruki laid on the ground, clawing at the platform to regain himself.

Pushing himself to stand, the vocalist was shaking within the blackout. He couldn’t do it anymore. His body ached and he felt to weak as the microphone slipped from his fingers, creating a screeching feedback as it made contact with the stage.

The only thing he could hear was the crowed screaming and then nothing as he fell to the ground, slipping into the darkness..

Something wasn’t right…

Instead of being met with the sound of the vocalists voice to pump up the crowd again as the light slowly came back. They were met with silence and only three persons standing on the main part of the stage, aside from Kai sitting on the raised platform at his drum set.

Instruments and drumsticks fell to the floor, forgotten, as the four of them sudden rushed to the front of the stage before any of the stage crew had the chance. Kai almost tripped coming down off the platform, probably knocking a drum out of place but at this point, his drums didn’t matter. Ruki laid there unconscious, a hand at his throat, face contorted in pain and gasping for breath.

The last thing anyone else saw were some quick commands from the bandleader and he suddenly lifted the small body in his arms, cradling him close as he ran off the stage.

***

“Will he be alright? “

“He’s just sick not dying you idiot..”

“Guys..stop you don’t want to wake him. He gets cranky enough when someone wakes him from a nap or sleep. Can you imagine how he would be after collapsing like that? “